The behaviour of self-sabotage is more common that you think. It’s easy to forget just how powerful our subconscious minds can be.
It is surprising that we are often completely unaware of how much our action and or inaction are affecting our lives.
Many of us will complain that things never work out for us and we have bad luck, or even worse in my opinion many people will tell themselves that they just don’t have what it takes to become successful.
What we fail to realise is that when we say these self-defeating comments what we are actually doing is creating our own circumstances through our subconscious.
This is Self-Sabotage.
How Beliefs Become a Self-fulfilling Prophecy
Self-fulfilling Prophecy is a very powerful thing and can make a big difference in success and failure.
You can see how powerful it is from the diagram above.
Negative beliefs will lead to negative expectations with will lead to self-defeating behaviour which will give you a poor outcome.
Rinse and repeat. This will keep happening until change in the subconscious occurs.
Learning How To Overcome Self-Sabotage For Good
In order for someone to overcome self-sabotage, they will first have to use their conscious awareness to explore their emotions and fears, along with understanding how they influence our actions.
Once you have determined the cause of the self-destructive behaviour, you can then take the necessary steps to prevent it from happening again in the future.
What is really happening when we sabotage ourselves?
Well subconsciously, we may be frightened by a particular outcome and this can be the case even when we say we want it.
For example, say you want to lose weight. Well many overweight people may have struggled for years, trying diet after diet and still they can’t lose weight and if they do manage to lose weight they just can’t keep it off.
This reminds me of a TV program called “My 600lb Life” where in many cases the people taking part in this television program and unable to lose weight with all the help offered and detailed instructions given to them.
Month after month they returned to get weighted and either remain the same weight, or have gain weight.
Only when they start counselling to address certain traumas that have happened in their lives do they start losing weight.
This is how powerful the mind is.
Anyway back to the article. Where was I, oh yes.
We may be frightened by a particular outcome even when we say we want it. The example was weight loss.
So say you want to lose weight and find that you are struggling to so. You push yourself harder and try to force the weight off and still nothing.
But what’s happening beneath the surface?
Do you really want to lose those excess pounds?
Many people will say ‘Yes of course’. But what if their layers of fat are actually providing them a sense of protection and security in their uncertain world?
What if they feel the need to cover up and conceal themselves?
Then this is when losing weight becomes a threatening, frightening possibility.
So they may sabotage their dieting efforts so that they can avoid feeling vulnerable and exposed.
Even when they say they want to lose weight (they may even believe that they do) they still may be just setting themselves up for failure by sneaking food and telling themselves that they will do better tomorrow.
Another Example of Self-Sabotaging Behaviour
Some people may be intimidated by something that may be simple to others such as starting a new job.
Did you know that there are a surprisingly high number of people that do not show up for job interview?
Even when the job position is a highly desirable one.
Let’s take a look at another example:
A stay at home Mother decides that she needs to return to work and start earning money for her family.
She feels obligated to get a job outside of her home but really wants to stay at home with her children.
So instead of applying for jobs that match her experiences, she applies for job that you knows she is not qualified for or she will apply for jobs that are incompatible with her family’s schedule and lifestyle. (These jobs she will turn down if they are offered).
Subconsciously, this is her way of making sure that she will not have to leave her home and children and still be able to say to everyone that at least she ‘tried’ to get a job.
Those who self-sabotage may also be afraid of what other people think of them is they should accomplish their goals.
They may also feel and believe that they are not worthy of a positive outcome, so they will behave in ways that will ensure that they will fail.
In many cases these destructive efforts are done subconsciously, so even the saboteurs have fooled themselves into thinking that they know what they want.
If there is any uncertainty in their mind, such as:
- Any doubt
- Any Fear
They will find a way to make sure that it (whatever it is) doesn’t happen.
- Perhaps this describes you?
- Have you sabotaged yourself in the past?
- Are You still doing it now?
- Do you find that you are unable to move forward with your goals, no matter how hard you try?
Learning How To Overcome Self-Sabotage For Good
Well fear not because it is very possible to overcome self-sabotage.
The most important thing in stopping self-sabotaging behaviour is to actually recognise that it is happening.
You must develop a conscious awareness of your thoughts, actions and emotions.
If you have been struggling with a certain goal and you are finding that things just aren’t working out for you.
Take a look at what setbacks you have encountered and take a closer look at the situation.
Ask yourself if any of the obstacles that you encountered could have been avoided by you making wiser choices?
Do you have a goal that you are finding have a significantly high number of obstacles?
Do you find that for some reason you seem to be just going around in a circle and nothing is changing?
If so, you may be self-sabotaging yourself.
Here’s a Method to Overcome Self-Sabotage That Works
A great way to get in touch with your subconscious mind is to spend time with yourself in a quiet meditation. Ask yourself what you’re afraid of.
Here are some mediation books and training you may be interested in.
- What fears do you have?
- What are your uncertainties?
- What makes you feel uncomfortable about this goal?
- What are the reasons that would try to hold you back?
Using a journal to these this questions and answers down will help because writing them down will help you to connect with your deeper self.
It will take time and you will need to practice this a few times so be patient with yourself. Exploring these possibilities can dramatically help you to get out of the self-sabotaging situation.
This may sound like simple tools, but it is a very powerful place to get started.
How Beliefs Become a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
Earlier I showed you the image of negative mind-set and how it works in relation to negative behaviour cycle.
The same can be said for the opposite side of the coin so to speak when you develop a positive mind-set.
Positive beliefs will lead to positive expectations, which will lead to self-motivating behaviour, which will result in a positive outcome.
Rinse and repeat, this will keep happening and you will lead a more successful life.
At first this will take practice so be patient with yourself and NEVER GIVE UP.
When we understand that we are in control of our own success, we will then realise that we are set free from all limitations.
By developing clarity and insight about the outcomes we want to create, and being more aware of potential setbacks, we can stop the cycle of self-sabotage and focus our energies on working towards new goals that we will know how to fully support in every way.
Then one day you will look back and see that instead of being your worst saboteur, you would have grown into your best supporter.
I have put together for you a list for further self-development that may interest you.
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